27 Mar

AFP photographer Gérard JulienI know that this blog seems like it will be a melange of thoughts and topics, and it is. I want to share my journey with you– sounds cheesy. Probably is. BUT it is mine, and maybe you can relate to some of it.

Let’s start with sexuality. Oooh. It has the word “sex” in it, so it must be scandalous, right?

Eh. Maybe, maybe not. As a formerly incredibly devote Christian, sex was meant to be something protected, only for your husband upon marriage, and not really a part of your life until that time. I still see some of those things as components of truth (eg– I do think sex can be more meaningful when shared with someone you have a deep emotional connection with, I would still identify as Spiritual), but that leads us to the OTHER things that have changed for me…

  • “Someone” for me can be male or female as long as you have that deep connection that passion, intrigue, and intellect can concoct in you.

This is the major theme of recent exploration for me– and it is still an aspect of my life I have a hard time meshing with the rest of my life. I see my sexuality as a component of my life, not my identifier. How many people do you know who say, “Hey, I’m Tom, and I am straight?” or “Hey, I’m Tom, and I prefer x,y,z sexual component to my life?” I feel like identifying myself as someone who also is attracted to the complexity, beauty, softness, and minds of women is akin to sharing with someone a preference for anything else sexual— it is not something I am ashamed of by any means, but it is mine and it is intensely intimate.

While some people seem to enjoy the identity and boxes that labels can create (which do not get me wrong, does have its benefits); I do not. Just because I have been attracted to or dated women does not mean I am attracted to ALL women, or even a MAJORITY of women. More accurately, I am attracted to a certain set of traits in people which tends to be rare. Would I be attracted to an intensely intelligent, passionate, funny man who happened to be older/shorter/balder/blonder over my go-to physical “type” of curly-haired, tall, brooding mountain men? Overwhelmingly the answer is yes. Similarly, why would the option not be present to also be attracted to a woman who had these alluring non-physical traits?

The answer has incredible repercussions for sexuality and our formation of families in this society, and these ideas are very new for me. Something that I had previously considered aberrant behavior, rebellious, unnatural, and literally “wrong” has instead become a very logical and wholly mundane possibility for human sexuality.  Love is love, I think, and whose business is it whether it is chosen or if you have opened yourself up to a very real and logical ideal of a different kind of love than your initial groomed physical attraction? Objectively, I recognize women as lovely physically— but it is the other traits that woman or man possess that astound me and endear them to me.

Can anyone else relate? Is it worth it to stretch so far in terms of comfort and cerebral ideas of attraction when the “natural” path of societal influence would be so much easier for someone who is not only attracted to the same-sex?


One Response to “Sexuality”

  1. Game Rental Uk June 30, 2013 at 12:14 am #

    Great post. I am going through a few of these issues as well.

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