“Protect your heart”

2 Jun

Something they always told us was to “protect our hearts”– like for any of you bachelorette aficionados (I mean… no… I’m not, but if I were…. there may have been the weird “guard and protect your heart” guy. Look it up.)

I talked with an old friend yesterday about how a lovely woman I met had extracted herself from the clutches of being in a cult, and my writing struck her. Scary, maybe?

The thing is– there is sometimes truth to the things that infuriate us. 

It is hard to have feelings. Duh. Common human experience, no? 

I have to wonder how you ever get over anyone you ever truly loved. 

Punched punched punched in the stomach.

I would say don’t think of them. Ever. I have done this and forced myself out of love. (Read: past situation– he had a girlfriend, I was a puppydog starry eyed opposite of realist.)

But we never had a real romantic relationship.

But then…. then there are the real connections I’ve (I almost said “you” my odd dissociative tendency I suppose) had.

And it still gathers in the bottom of my chest and inflates like a sadistic balloon hollowing out my insides until I have a hard time breathing. 

She, she, she. I have a heart attack like it is a casual thing you do. Drink your coffee. Brush your teeth.

I wonder if I will ever not have the pangs of missing her or missing what our lives could have been together. I try to close off my mind and wrestle away the thoughts (ugh thoughts). Does it get better? How long? 6 mo? A year?

 

(also since this was angsty— poetry blog angst if you’d like).

(ps– I actually would love real live strategies on how you’ve tried to get over people!)

 

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2 Responses to ““Protect your heart””

  1. turningmycensoroff June 2, 2013 at 7:23 am #

    Recovery period really depends. I try to do things that I truly enjoy or explore other activities. Spend time in positive company. There will be quiet parts of the day that are the toughest to get through, but after those, it should be okay. For me it’s usually the end of the day before I go to sleep–going through a breakup, myself. Even though it may be annoying (to me, too) time does help heal. Hang in there!

    • smalltasks June 9, 2013 at 3:04 am #

      Thank you for the comment! I agree– it is the quiet long period between when I am asleep and when I should be asleep. Time, time, time. You hang in there too!

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