Sexuality and Spirituality Part I: No Guilt

15 Jun

As I have mentioned in a few of my posts, I came from a conservative background. I have seen this polarization of liberal vs. spiritual, and I don’t love it.

The “weird” thing is… I have never ever felt moral anxiety in regard to my feelings and relationships with women. There was no ambiguity, no guilt. Which is at once odd and good I suppose.

It is almost like the constant pressure of “not making your brother stumble” that my conservative church drilled into our heads was relieved with women. “Anywhere that you are not covered, a man has already touched you there with his eyes.” Ohkayyyy. Well, that’s disturbing. That fear, the taking away of control, that body shaming was crippling for me. I had to wear a cardigan or cover-up, and wasn’t allowed to wear “spaghetti straps.” I couldn’t help it that my body looked the way it does (I had awkwardly been told by my friend *Matt that he knew a girl who was stuck in Texas and had to make her way home by prostitution, but she ‘was built like you so had no problem finding her way home.’) Again– what is the message? Girls- your bodies are shameful. It is your responsibility, your fault, if a man looks at you. He is thinking of you sexually, touching you with his eyes without your permission, and because you have hips and breasts and pretty hair– you deserve it.

So, if that is context– my body in relationship to men made me feel like I was doing something to them that hindered their own spiritual relationship with God. If that doesn’t fuck over your relationship with sex, I don’t know what does.

In contrast– my relationship with my body and other women’s bodies feels safe and happy and empowered and never like it was causing sin. 

It is easier for me to be at ease with women because of this.



3 Responses to “Sexuality and Spirituality Part I: No Guilt”

  1. the real olive June 15, 2013 at 7:42 pm #

    You’re awesome. I really appreciate this post.
    I also grew up in a very conservative background. Although I’ve mostly been in straight relationships, I’ve always been more comfortable with women.
    You make a very good point about the whole “shaming” culture, that it’s our fault if men look at us….I think that’s why I’m so much more at ease with women.

    • smalltasks June 19, 2013 at 4:47 am #

      Hey there. Thanks for the comment! It is an interesting thing eh? A whole industry and culture designed to draw the eyes of men, emphasizing physical beauty— and then turning around and chastising women for being a woman. Makes me mad, no?

      • the real olive June 19, 2013 at 7:20 pm #

        So mad! We can’t do anything right! You’re either a slut or a prude, a bitch or a pushover, a makeup-covered clown or a bare-faced nerd.
        I don’t know how many people have assumed I’m a lesbian because I’m not girly and don’t like to wear makeup. It’s like they think lesbians are a whole different species, and must all have the same preferences.

        Sorry, that got rantish. Again, love your post!!

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