Recognizing privilege

20 Aug

I have had a rough week, to say the least. My whiney blog posts.

Sometimes not making a choice, is a choice. Sometimes silence screams the loudest. (Okay, how many cliches can we fit in here).

One thing I am sad about with Lovely is that we had SUCH rough times and by golly, we NEARLY MADE IT. We were THIS close.

I wish I could share being happy with her again. We chose to be so joyful over the hardest times– we just naturally brought that out of each other. We laughed through it all- and some of what should have been the hardest of all hardest are some of my favorite memories with her. I just– I wish we could show each other that even though life was amazing the way it was— it could be EVEN BETTER both being in a content and happy place in life.

I am so excited about my new job. I am so excited to learn. And yes– I am realizing more and more that there will be risk associated with it– but you know what? I am so incredibly blessed. Incredibly. I have been given so much that I do not deserve, and there are women ALL AROUND this world that have never had a chance to use their voice. Some of those women are 13 year olds in my work place whose boyfriends and mothers are pressuring them into giving them babies. Some of those women are in countries where having a voice and a thought is such a threat that it drives people to murder and maim them simply for having the audacity to pursue education.

My Love doesn’t love me anymore.

I am powerful, though. These girls– oh, they have no idea how powerful they could be! And I am in such a privileged place to be be given access as a trusted person in their lives. To talk to them about what they could want, what they could dream. To talk to them about being vulnerable, being scared, feeling worthless, feeling lovesick, being afraid of what their bodies are doing and what people want to do to their bodies. I have been granted privilege, and I am very, very aware of it.

The days I want to stop existing because I am too tired to exist any longer; the days living 60 more years alone or 60 more years painfully in love and writhing and exploding from it because my heart cannot hold how much I love those who I’ve made mine—those days I remember that there are women who never had the chance to know who they could be and I am grateful to be alive then.

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One Response to “Recognizing privilege”

  1. Chocolate Covered Race Medals August 20, 2013 at 3:47 pm #

    Keep your head up! You’ve got a great attitude about it all, even though I guarantee it suckssss.

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