Different kinds of love: friendship

25 Aug

In English, there is only one word for love. “Love.” This word is powerful. “I love you.” Holds all kinds of things in it. I cherish you. I protect you. I sacrifice for you. I adore you. I have hopes for you. I want to embrace you. I hold you. My heart and yours have ties, and they are strong, and I won’t let things break them.

In English, we don’t really distinguish from romantic love and friendship love. As I’ve been mulling over the situation with Lovely– from finding out she wants someone else and doesn’t have romantic love for me, to reconstructing a future without her in it as my partner– I’ve also been trying to figure out what is left then. I know all the things that make love I still have for her. I also know that what she wants is not a romantic relationship because she is working on that with someone else.

As I mentioned, I actually felt better today after talking with her because, in a way I can do that is compartmentalized- I am first and foremost someone who loves her. Even if this means I can’t have her the way I envision– even if this means, no family, no kids, no life together– I love her. 

Most of all, I love her friendship. The romance is secondary to caring for her as my friend. If romance was primary, I would say– oh well. I cannot have her as my love, so I guess I can’t have her in my life.

But I love talking to her about her day, my day. I love sharing what is going on with our families, with her thoughts, with our dreams. It is a little different, and a little eggshell walking now because I do have those romantic feelings to push away, and obviously that is hard to do. I don’t think she has romantic feelings, but she might, and she’s made clear she wants them pushed away.

That is kind of why the stupid Facebook thing threw me. I want her, she is dear to me, and once someone has become dear to me– I love them for my whole life. I can’t have kisses and hugs and cuddling and sleeping in and cuddle positions, and the warmth and safety of her body next to my body. I might not ever have these things again, although that remains entirely up to her and her heart and her relationship.

However. Because SHE is more important to me than her body, friendship and how SHE is doing, not what our bodies can do for each other is my priority. I care about her day, her feelings, her thoughts, her hopes, her pains. And this is what a friend does for you.

More than her body or the romance of us, I want to be her friend. And the conversation we had today does give me peace because it shows me that we can have that friendship. If that is all she gives me for the rest of our lives, I feel like I will have been so lucky to have been able to be a friend to someone like her.


2 Responses to “Different kinds of love: friendship”

  1. Chocolate Covered Race Medals August 25, 2013 at 2:57 pm #

    I really like this! And agreed — we need to catch up in the highlands at some point in the near future 🙂


  1. One word frees us of all the weight and pain in life. That word is Love. | philosiblog - August 26, 2013

    […] Different kinds of love: friendship (smalltasks.wordpress.com) […]

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